One day big Dave was eating A Kit Kat and broke it in half then he broke it into fourths and ate those fourths one by one.
That was when big Dave had a shocking realization. You could eat kit kats in so many different ways!
You could eat them whole, grind them up in a bowl and eat them with a spoon, you could break them in half and eat both halves separately, there were so many different ways to eat a singular Kit Kat.
That’s when the real trouble started for big Dave. Sitting in his living room, eating a Kit Kat he had just had this great idea.
He would write a book About the proper way to eat a Kit Kat. “This could get me rich!” He yelled across his little living room.
The next day was filled with first pages to his book “split it into fourths and then eat it” the proper way to eat a Kit Kat. Being thrown into the trashcan next to his wooden desk.
“Writing a book is harder than I thought it would be!”
He muttered to himself.
The next few days he wrote page by page with not many breaks for meals and other things that keep you alive until getting them was absolutely necessary.
Fast forward a year. Big Dave is rolling in money. His book turned out to be a huge success and the first thing that he did with the millions of dollars was buy a mansion in Florida.
His book was a smash hit, but also a topic of controversy. Some people believed that Kit Kats should be eaten whole or halfed or dipped in hot sauce or other examples of the infinite ways that Kit kats can be eaten and when those people heard about his book they didn’t like his ideas about how to eat a Kit Kat. So they formed an alliance and started plotting about how to make sure that his ideas about eating Kit Kat’s to spread to the rest of the world. So then they decided to torture big Dave.
So that night they met outside of big Dave’s mansion where inside he was reading fine literature and drinking champagne.
The people who were planning to torture big Dave stood outside his glass door with giant spiked clubs and started to kick the glass until it broke, giving them a big glass hole to climb through into the unsuspecting big Dave’s giant living room.
The back of daves chair was facing them as they climbed into his fancy living room. They then snuck up from behind and the person nearest to him slapped a rope around big Dave’s neck and dragged him over to the wall of his living room, pulled a Kit Kat from his pocket, and proceeded to make big Dave watch as he ate the chocolate bar in a different way than big Dave’s proffered Kit Kat eating strategy as the others cackled and cheered.
Then an anvil dropped on everybody’s head and then they all died quickly.